idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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