I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
