"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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