i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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