As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
