That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
