hotel room ftw
I hope mine doesn't look like that
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
