My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
