Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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