Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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