My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
