Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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