3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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