i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
