9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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