You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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