does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
