pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
