They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
