..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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