Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
