just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
