I am spending my child support on dildos
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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