I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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