i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
