Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Everclear isn't food dammit
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
