In the future we'll all be gay
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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