He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
organizing the empties. That sober.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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