Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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