i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
