That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A bitchslap is in order.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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