somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
