I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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