Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
