if you like me you must not know who I am
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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