Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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