somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
