My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
