So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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