ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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