epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The power of my boobs compel you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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