Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
