I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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