I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
