Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
