Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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