I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
