i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
