He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
be right there i have to get my cape
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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