My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
