I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
